about goodbyes

http://bit.ly/JzZbU6

There's a lot more truth to "Goodbye is the hardest word to say" than I thought.

Today is the final day of RA responsibilities on campus, and all the RAs who had to stay late to close are leaving today. I was one of those RAs and today I had to say goodbye to a lot of wonderful people. Most of whom I will not see again for a very long time.

I wish I was better at saying goodbye. I wish I could comfort those experiencing loss as part of a transition to a new place, or lifestyle. I wish I knew how to make goodbyes okay, but I think the thing about goodbyes is that they are exactly that: a goodbye. Goodbyes aren't supposed to be easy, if they were there would be no value to them. People would simply come and go as they please, leaving no emotional remnants of their presence for others to hold on to and cherish.

What troubles me most about saying goodbye is that there is always so much more than I'd like to say, and I'm not really sure of how to say it, or if it's worth being said. Things like, "you really don't know how much you mean to me" or "I could not have done this without you." Even the corny things like "I've had a crush on you since the very first day I saw you, when I didn't even know what your name was" pop into my head.

But I refrain.

------ Psych-Analysis Warning ------
I refrain for fear that the last moments I spend with someone; my last memories of someone will be tainted by rejection; by feelings of inadequacy. It's stupid, because even though I don't desire the person's approval, for some reason I feel upset when I'm denied it. For example, for the girl who I would have told that I've had a crush on her, I've always known that nothing would come of it. And yet I held on to this fear that even though this thing could never be, being denied it seemed to be a loss; a loss I wanted to avoid. It's crazy.
------ ------

I am curious to hear if anyone reading this has any thoughts on the matter. What do you think is hard about saying goodbye? How do you cope with it? What sorts of things do you say? How do you feel?

about me

http://bit.ly/grezjx

Okay. This post isn't going to flow. Let me warn you now. Scroll to the bottom if you want the tl;dr version.

So, I don't really know how to begin this post. Over this past summer I developed strong interests in two things. First, becoming a secret agency and dealing with intelligence. Second, becoming a better leader and more personable. I feel like there are some areas where the two overlap, but that such overlaps create uncertain voids, and I'm not sure how to deal with them.

What first comes to mind is the idea of letting people talk about themselves. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Because what's more interesting than "the best night ever," or "oh my god you should have been there!" So one of the goals I set for myself to become a stronger leader and a better person was to limit the amount of talking that I did, and increase the amount of listening. From an intelligence perspective, this makes sense. One cannot be fully observant when actively speaking. It's much easier to observe and analyze when you are doing just that.

However, it has come to my attention now that people have noticed my lack of self-interest. I'd much rather hear your story from last night than tell my own. On some feedback that I recently got from a group of colleagues (including some close friends) I was told that they'd like to hear more about me; to get to know me personally. At first, I found this idea to be puzzling and obscure. I thought, why would anyone want to know about me? After talking about this with a few friends and some of my most trusted mentors, I'm beginning to think that people want to know more about me for a few reasons. First, I think it makes people uncomfortable when they realize that people know more about them than they know about the other. It gives a sort of potential for danger feeling. Second - and more appropriately - I think people want to learn more about people they care about. I think that being able to open up to someone conveys a level of comfort that one cannot obtain from simple observation.

At this point, I don't know how to handle my problem. I'm not good at talking about myself. So much of my life has been dedicated to helping, working with, and understanding others that it's tough for me to find any value in speaking about myself. When people ask me about myself, my answers are short, vague, and they often end the communication attempt. When I begin to re-engage the other person, I can clearly tell that my answers were unsatisfactory, and no amount of asking the other about themselves (incorrect pronoun; deal with it) can seem to remedy it.

What's worse, is that this unfortunate side effect of being a good listener seems to manifest itself most when I'm around people I like. People who I care about, and who care about me. I finally find people who are fascinating, who are genuine, and whom I respect, and they want to know more about me, and all I can say is "I'm okay. It's been a busy day. How've you been?" In that one blurb, they learn nothing about me, my feelings, or how my day really was.

TL;DR: In conclusion, it seems to me that there exists a paradox in interpersonal relationships. To show someone you care, you listen to what the person says. However, carried to the extreme, listening and reflecting can only serve to make the other person less comfortable because he or she feels that you are not being completely open. I don't know what the answer to this paradox may be, and I'm not sure that I ever will know. I guess it's just something to think about.

about The Masters

[src: http://bit.ly/HtnZzy]

I love the Masters. I love everything about it. I love the course, the time of year, the competition, and of course, the presentation of the Green Jacket in the Butler cabin. Congrats to Bubba Watson for winning the tournament  this year, after being picked by many as the dark horse in this year's event. It was very emotional when Bubba teared up after his victory on the second playoff hole. It was undoubtedly another Sunday Afternoon to Remember at Augusta. 

p.s. How awkward was the (attempted?) handshake between Bubba Watson and Billy Payne? It was almost as good as Oothuizen missing the high-five with his caddy after his double-eagle on the 2nd hole.

[src: http://bit.ly/HtnO7m]

[src: http://bit.ly/HtnDZF]

about things

I wish it was socially acceptable for me to ask a girl,
"Are you romantically interested in me or are you harassing me solely for the sake of annoying me?"

about Google

[from http://bit.ly/HLYw63]

Well, Big G's been on a pretty big roll this month already, and we're only 4 days in. Yesterday, Google announced that it will be manufacturing and selling its own tablets this year. Today, Big G went ahead and unveiled what I'm calling the most revolutionary device for social sharing ever conceived by man. Google's augmented reality heads up display, codenamed Project Glass, is sending ripples through the technosphere today. Check out engadget's coverage here. Google also released a video showcasing some possible functionality of the device. Needless to say, a project of this depth is something that only Big G could accomplish. No other company could come close to having enough processing power, data, or balls to pull this type of thing off. For now, the design is merely a concept, but Google has said that they are starting to test some prototypes, and they're also looking for feedback from the community on what types of things that we'd all like project Glass to be able to do. Visit Project Glass' G+ page here. We'll have to wait to see when the product will be available to the masses, but until then, check out the video below and please, try to refrain from drooling on your keyboard. No one likes likes a mess.

about strength

[from http://bit.ly/HRHyAu ]

today's society makes it seem like vulnerability is weakness

but it's not

vulnerability is strength

being able to put yourself out there, not knowing what will come back, only that whatever it is, it cannot overcome your own free will

that is strength

that is living.

Window Frames

[from http://www.dailylifesinspiration.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/200901301644470.Open-Window.jpg ]

Today Sam made a lovely brunch for all of the people with whom we should be going on a cruise with at the end of the year. It was great. After that we played rockband and I tried my luck at singing again. I think I've come to the conclusion that I can sing any song presented in a monotone fashion. I seemed to do particularly well when singing The Killers and Oasis' wonderwall. What a bro.

This afternoon, we had our second round softball game. We won, naturally, and advanced to the final round. I find it odd how similar my enjoyments are to what my father did when he was younger. He played hockey, so I started playing hockey at age 7. He played golf, so I tried golf and loved it. He played squash, so I picked it up and captained my high school team to two provincial silver medals. He played baseball, and I never really followed that until this year. This softball team has really been a lot of fun and I plan on joining a men's league over the summer. My dad never did play tennis or volleyball though, so I guess I've got the old man there.
Anyway, the main topic of this post was not meant to be about my day, but rather about frames, and what they are and how they affect us.

You're probably thinking, "window frame? Like what I look out to see outside?" In a way, yes. Your personal frame is the set of perceptual maps and filters through which you see the world around you. Perceptual filters are the experiences and beliefs that you have which shape the ways that your mind perceives the world around you. Perceptual maps, then are the ways in which your mind provides the fill for the types of information that you cannot obtain through your senses, for example your "moral compass" or sense of right and wrong.

Of course, because each one of us has our own set of frames (and most people have multiple frames, depending on what type of environment they are in) we all perceive the world differently. A book that I'm reading suggests that there are five types of frames: Why frames, How frames, Result frames, Possibility frames, and Curiosity frames. Each step progressing from Why to Curiosity reflects a new stage in personal growth, focusing more on deeper, abstract topics.

Personally, I see myself as being between the Result and Possibility frames most of the time. I don't believe in failure, which is one of the critical factors leading to the Result frame, in which one does not perceive outcomes as successes or failures (this is not a Bernoulli world, after all) but rather, simply as results. The wonderful thing about results is that they are neither good nor bad. They are merely data waiting to be interpreted. "Failure is just what we call a result that we don't like." Results can be read, and feedback can be obtained, so that next time, the results are better. Not necessarily wholly successful, but better.

My philosophical interest has peaked again, so stay tuned for moar!